I used to be a better mountain biker, but after three months of slouching in cigarette smoke filled train cars I can no longer even ride up a hill. And I get a little scared even riding down hills. I just don't feel as comfortable on a bike any more. That is probably one of the things that bugs me most about my life right now.
I also had a pretty sweet trip this summer. I happily share bits and pieces of it with people who'd like to hear (and occasionally those who don't) but so many things happened on that trip that I feel like I am selfishly hiding parts from people. There are so many things that happened that I am probably already forgetting. Alban and Phil kept pretty tidy journals throughout the trip. They saved a lot of little souvenirs and pictures and thoughts in their journal. I, regretfully, chose to not journal. I think that it was just because I thought I would be conforming to things that they did. I think that's the reason I didn't really try reading on that trip either, even though I had hours upon hours of time to read. It would have been healthy, but it would also be doing just the same thing that the other guys were doing. I don't like being a conformist. I like to display solely unique qualities, but it prohibits me from doing a lot of the normal things that I should be doing along with the other people.
I also used to read the newspaper everyday, and it was probably a healthy experience. Now, I just go home and do stuff on the computer or listen to music. Just different things to unwind. I'm finding myself to be more solitary than I ever should be. I don't sit down and talk with other people enough, I guess I just don't have much that I want to say.
I think that most of what I am writing here is nearly as depressing as my talks about death with Peter. I'm not a depressed person by any means, so don't think that I am writing this just to be feeling sorry for myself. I just feel like people only know a superficial version of me, so I am going to try and write little things about myself in here to take that superficial-ness away. Hopefully, I am still a fun person. I think that people think of me as a fun person, but is it just a dumb superficial thing?
I dunno.
I'll write more on occasion, perhaps. We'll see.
It's not my style to write, but it's got a healthy potential.
