Thursday, November 20, 2008

It has potential to be healthy...

I don't ever really write thoughts.  Even less do I ever share my thoughts.  Not that I will change much of that with this, because I think I live a pretty private lifestyle that I don't tend to share with people.  I open up on occasion, but only on things that I feel passionately about, like mountain biking.  I think that my eyes probably get a little brighter when I think about mountain biking, and it is just so much fun.  
I used to be a better mountain biker, but after three months of slouching in cigarette smoke filled train cars I can no longer even ride up a hill.  And I get a little scared even riding down hills.  I just don't feel as comfortable on a bike any more.  That is probably one of the things that bugs me most about my life right now.
I also had a pretty sweet trip this summer.  I happily share bits and pieces of it with people who'd like to hear (and occasionally those who don't) but so many things happened on that trip that I feel like I am selfishly hiding parts from people.  There are so many things that happened that I am probably already forgetting.  Alban and Phil kept pretty tidy journals throughout the trip.  They saved a lot of little souvenirs and pictures and thoughts in their journal.  I, regretfully, chose to not journal.  I think that it was just because I thought I would be conforming to things that they did.  I think that's the reason I didn't really try reading on that trip either, even though I had hours upon hours of time to read.  It would have been healthy, but it would also be doing just the same thing that the other guys were doing.  I don't like being a conformist.  I like to display solely unique qualities, but it prohibits me  from doing a lot of the normal things that I should be doing along with the other people.  
I also used to read the newspaper everyday, and it was probably a healthy experience.  Now, I just go home and do stuff on the computer or listen to music.  Just different things to unwind.  I'm finding myself to be more solitary than I ever should be.  I don't sit down and talk with other people enough, I guess I just don't have much that I want to say.  
I think that most of what I am writing here is nearly as depressing as my talks about death with Peter.  I'm not a depressed person by any means, so don't think that I am writing this just to be feeling sorry for myself.  I just feel like people only know a superficial version of me, so I am going to try and write little things about myself in here to take that superficial-ness away.  Hopefully, I am still a fun person.  I think that people think of me as a fun person, but is it just a dumb superficial thing?  
I dunno.
I'll write more on occasion, perhaps.  We'll see.  
It's not my style to write, but it's got a healthy potential.

1 comment:

treena yeo said...

Lanceface - I don't think anything is solely unique, so I wouldn't say you are conforming or not conforming based around comparing yourself to your friends. But I do enjoy Lance's "meticulously engineered thoughts".....